Mother to Mother | Pain of Psychosis Suicide

I received a special gift to visit, mother to mother, with another mother who understands caring for a child with a mental disorder.  I had a beautiful conversation about Amanda, the daughter of my friend, Jane.  I felt like Jane understood that I would understand what occurred in Amanda’s life because of my experiences caring for my son Darrell who is plagued with Bipolar II disorder.

Visiting Mother to Mother – Amanda’s story

Amanda, a natural beauty and an energetic child excelled at sports.  She preferred to be moving rather than sitting in a classroom.  In high school, she enjoyed running track, playing tennis, and All-State basketball.   In fact, it wasn’t unusual for Amanda to run 12 miles in one stretch because she loved moving so much!

Of course, boys were attracted to this gorgeous girl so Amanda had lots of dates and chose to marry one of her boyfriends at age 21.

Restless and Depressed

It was a part of Amanda’s religious belief to be a stay-at-home mother, but staying home all day caring for two children turned out to be a difficult challenge for Amanda.  Although she was a good mother and loved her children, she felt cooped up and missed the movement sports offered.  She became more and more restless and depressed which caused marital strain.  Amanda realized she needed to make a change as her mental and emotional health worsened.

Shared custody

Amanda and her husband decided to divorce, but her husband would not agree to “shared custody” of the children.  Feeling desperate and with cloudy judgment, she agreed to his terms and gave him full custody of the children with the verbal agreement he would allow her to see the children when she wanted to.

She was too late

A short time later, Amanda felt she had made a mistake breaking up her family.  She made some brownies to take to her ex-husband to tell him she had made a big mistake and that she wanted to get back together.  When she took the brownies to her ex, her best friend was with him in their “used-to-be” bedroom.   Her ex-husband told Amanda she was too late.  She was broken hearted.

Drugs and Alcohol

Although Amanda had never used drugs or alcohol, she became involved with a man who introduced her to prescription drugs and alcohol.  She began to medicate her pain and torment like so many who have bipolar disorder with psychosis.  From this point forward, Amanda experienced a series of broken relationships, and both her mental and emotional health continued to decline.

End of story – Terrible torment 

Amanda tried to commit suicide a few times but she was always protected in some miraculous way, but one day she was successful in taking her life.  Her mother found her.  She looked very peaceful.  Her wise mother understood that God knew what terrible torment Amanda had endured and she received assurance that God perfectly understood Amanda.

Photo by Daniel Apodaca

My thoughts

I understood when Jane said, “It was a relief to see Amanda in peace”.  In the past, I have had the thought, “Darrell would be better off dead than living in daily torment”.  Although you don’t want them to commit suicide, you don’t want to watch the living hell they endure each day either.   Coping with psychosis is not living, it is a battle to survive every day.

Psychosis

It is my belief psychosis is what killed Amanda.  Briefly, I believe when a person is hearing voices, they are hearing negative messages from dark entities or evil spirits.  I wrote a blog about my psychosis theory if you would like to know more details from a mother who has experienced psychosis first-hand.

Mother to Mother

After carrying and nurturing a child, a MOTHER knows the difference between her REAL child and dark entities that possess her child.  Mother to mother, I understand this, my friend, Jane understands this and the mother in the true story movie, “No Letting Go” understood when her child was not himself.

Poor Choices Myth

I do not believe people get dark entities or evil spirits only because of poor choices.

  • Even innocent children can be plagued with dark entities.  I think some people are experiencing darkness to better understand and appreciate light.  Experiencing darkness is a way we gain a greater appreciation of God’s gift of love which is light.  I wrote a blog explaining why opposition is part of a process to receive the full gift of God’s love if you would like more information about this subject.
  • I believe everyone on earth is or has been plagued with dark entities even though they may not be aware of it.
  • I believe a good portion of the time dark entities are present in people causing internal turmoil before they are identified as being present.  Dark entities are smart and well-trained.  They know how to quietly lay the groundwork to get control of a person through drugs, alcohol, pornography, shame, etc. with the ultimate goal to destroy.

Conclusion – The real Amanda

I write Amanda’s story to help others which I sense pleases Amanda.  The real Amanda (without any dark entities tormenting her) is loving and desires to help others.  May we all learn from Amanda who I believe is a strong, valiant being.  Only strong spirits could endure the difficult trial of psychosis along with its by-products.  Mother to mother, I dedicate this blog to all the mothers of children plagued with mental disorders especially those who have endured psychosis suicide.

Companion blog

I wrote a companion blog about psychosis suicide if you would like to read it too.

Top Featured Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *