In the middle of December 2019, my son, Darrell’s emotional and mental struggles heightened. He so desires a normal life with a wife and family rather than living with severe Bipolar II disorder. He became discouraged watching his siblings raise and provide for families. Each December day that passed, Darrell seemed to be surrounded by a fog becoming more reclusive, sad, and depressed. I so disliked watching him give up, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Nothing I said or encouraged him to do was helping either. I felt helpless as I watched his mental and emotional well-being decline.
Refusal to Give Up
It is difficult for me to write about his decline after several months of improvements, but I must honestly share this recent setback along with his past improvements I previously shared. The truth sets us free, not lies. I have faith there is purpose in this setback. I am either learning something to help me or others or both. I refuse to give up.
2019 Holidays- Challenging
Christmas Day, Darrell stayed in his room all day. He didn’t even come out to join us for dinner let alone to open Christmas gifts. He did finally decide to open his Christmas gifts three days after Christmas which lifted his spirits temporarily.
We thought things would get better after Christmas passed, but the downward spiral continued into New Years’. Then we thought it would improve after the New Year, but it didn’t. Darrell was not finding his way out this slump. I pleaded with Darrell not to give up, but he continued to be reclusive, very sad, depressed, grumpy, and difficult to live with.
One morning a few weeks into this downward spiral, Darrell became so distraught and mad that he broke his X-box and TV screen throwing them in the garbage. About a week later, the first of February 2020, this downward spiral finally culminated after six weeks of depression and sadness. He became suicidal. He was pale and could not speak or was speaking very slowly sometimes using “made up” words that made no sense. We took him to the brand new “access center” located in the hospital. The “access center” is equipped to help mental patients “access” treatment faster since the hospital ER generally has long wait times. A very helpful addition to a hospital facility!
I wasn’t surprised the doctor decided to admit him to the hospital. The staff psychiatrist prescribed several medications over Darrell’s nine-day stay in the hospital which was helpful. I was devasted and couldn’t understand after so many months of progression why this was happening. I still don’t understand why, but I have been able to find my way to accepting it with trust in God.
Others have notified me of the desperation they feel from a heavy fog surrounding them too. I wrote a previous blog post about what a servant of Jesus Christ says this fog is if you would like to check it out.
Conclusion – Give Up or Hope
It is a big setback, but if I choose to stop hoping, I cannot cope with this situation without hope so I choose to continue to hope. I believe when you ask God for something, there can be a period of waiting before an answer is granted. I think faith is having hope and perseverance during “this said time of waiting”. I also think it is likely this waiting period is a time for God to work with me so I can learn whatever is intended from this challenge. I wrote about the likelihood of being involved in choosing challenges in the premortal existence before coming to earth in a previous blog post if you would like to read it.
Darrell is stabilized and his well-being is improving. If you feel inclined, please pray for Darrell’s healing. Thank you. I would very much appreciate your prayers.
Top Featured Photo by Sharon McCutcheon